"Pick me... Choose me... Love me..."

Ahh, yes. Meredith Grey. What a woman! If you've never seen Grey's Anatomy please take a quick break to go watch all 17 seasons for me. Just kidding.... maybe....

I've always kind of laughed at this scene though. She is begging a man to choose her instead of someone else, listing all the reasons why she thinks he should pick her, choose her, and love her. I always thought she was kind of needy here. Just begging for something, anything. Recently, however, I've realized I do this when it comes to our Father.

I know what you are thinking and no- I do not beg the Lord to pick me, love me, or choose me. He's already done that! I am HIS. He sent His only son down to earth, to die on a cross, to prove to me that I am His and that I am so deeply loved. I do not beg the Lord's for attention. But I do beg him to use me.

When I was little I thought that being used was a bad thing, and in some situations it is. Friends should not use you in a sense of draining you and being phony. Significant others should not use you in the sense of your body or your love in any form. Your job should not use you in the sense of depleting you for your talents. When I say I ask God to use me I mean as a vessel. God, use me to further Your word. Use me as the light and salt of the earth. Use my story to influence others. Use my life as a testament to you. I once heard that asking God to use you was one of the most dangerous things you could do. I kind of giggled at that too because I know God, and I know He does not rejoice in our pain. So how could it be dangerous? I started praying for God to use me after that because ya know, living life on the edge, danger- it's intriguing.

What I didn't understand is that not everyone who prays, "God, use me," will get to be a preacher or a missionary call. Now, a lot will! Those callings are needed and real and very followed through. And man they're tough. God calls us in several ways. I just never thought that God would use us in a Job sense.

Let me back up. Job had it rough. Literally everything taken from him. Trials from every aspect of life. The devil was allowed to test Job and take everything from him, as long as the devil stayed away from ending Job's life. His property. His family. His friends. His health. All gone. Why? Why did the Lord allow the devil to test Job like this? Why did he not step in?

Because Job had faith like none other. He was an "upright man." One who God believed in to prove to the devil that he would still praise Our Lord no matter what came his way. And that is just what he did. He kept his faith. Spoiler alert, Job gets repaid all that he lost plus more for proving his faith in the Lord.

Ok, now back to the whole God-use-me thing. Since I have been praying asking God to use me, I have been tested. Diabetes. Deaths. Depression. Anxiety. Manipulation. It wasn't the missionary role I hoped God would answer with. And a lot of people have the same story. When we start having these trials pushed on us we ask God, "why Father? Why me?" And the answer is simple. Because he trusts us enough for the devil to be in our ear, yet His word to still be coming out of our mouth.

I now know why it's so dangerous to ask God to use us. It's not an easy path, no matter if you get the missionary call, the Job-like call, or the preacher call. Being a vessel of the Lord is hard. It is trying. It is not for the faint of heart. Being Christian in a post-Christian culture is daunting. But that's where we step in. That's where we pray harder for our lives to reach those who would not know God if it weren't for the trials we face. It is about being down in the dirt, picking up those around you, and carrying them to the feet of Jesus so they can sit there with you. On your knees. Praying. Begging. And worshipping.

After all the trials, all the pain, all the muck, God will reward us with more than we have ever had. An eternal life with Him. By His side, with His angels, singing His praises all day long. For that I will face whatever that the Lord or the devil himself throw my way.

I challenge you to start asking God to use your life. Find a good community. Plant your roots deep. Withstand the storms about to come your way. And one day you'll be in the fields of Heaven. And after all, flowers don't bloom without a little bit of rain. It's coming. Might as well go ahead and ask for it.

I love you all- mistakes, bruises, and sin. Every single part of you I see and I love.

Keep on keeping on,

Claire