"Out with the Old..."

2022. It's over!! If you know me, you know I have an emotional attachment to.. everything. I find sentiment in everything. I am also an empath. These two combined make it SO hard for me to say goodbye to anything. And this year was good. Really good.

2022 was the year I started coaching CrossFit seriously.

2022 was the year I grew closest to my brother.

2022 was the year I entered my last year of undergrad.

2022 was the year I allowed myself to cut toxicity out of my life.

2022 was the year I led an international mission trip to Ireland.

2022 was the year I sat in silence and listened, not wrote.

2022 was the year I became engaged to the love of my life.

2022 was the year I didn't take a single anti-depressant or anxiety pill for the first year in 4 years.

That last one is big. Since my junior year of high school, I have resorted to medicine to help my depression and anxiety. No shame in meds, don't get me wrong! They helped me get out of the darkest place in my life. I had just grown numb and meds started feeling super indifferent to life. As most of you know, I battled with suicidal thoughts during my freshmen year of college. I learned summer of 2021 that getting off all medicine made my mind most clear. In 2022 I was able to go all year without feeling suicidal or getting back on medicine.

I owe it all to God. In my season of darkness, Psalm 139:12 rang so true. "Even darkness is light to you." My God pulled me out of my grave. Literally. Last summer I truly relied on the Lord and who He is. He reminded me, "Daughter, you are not depression. I have already won that battle. You are mine. You are called. You will use this to glorify my name."

God reminded me that my life was on purpose, for a purpose. Looking back on the year, a lot of things that hurt my heart happened. But all things happened in order for God to heal my heart and refocus it on Him. Hurting can be a sign of healing. My hurt was my healing, and for that I am grateful.

If I were to have listened to the enemy in 2021, I would not have witnessed God's grace and blessings this year. No engagement to Tommy (which is coming in full detail soon!!). No Ireland mission trip. No CrossFit family, and no brother to grow close to. Thank you God for rescuing me. Thank you God for defeating the enemy. Thank you God for calling me your child.

For the first time in my life, I am not dreadful about saying goodbye to the year, even though it was the best of my life. I am so hopeful for 2023 because I know my identity. I know my Father. I know His grace and His love will surround me even on my darkest days.

2023, I'm ready for you.